He is an equal opportunity slut.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
