remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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