You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
