When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
