I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize