I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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