where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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