I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
