THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
