D3 body, D1 cock
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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