If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
