I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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