I faked an abortion last night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
