At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
