i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
