i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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