How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
