I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
