God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't deserve a penis
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
