1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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