paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
