Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize