i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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