I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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