how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
