just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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