So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
