My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize