But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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