I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
