You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize