how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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