first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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