His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
