He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize