This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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