Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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