I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i out mim tonsoeep
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