His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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