You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
