I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize