My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
