More tranny stories later!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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