I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
