i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
