dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
