OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
