I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize