WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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