Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
