I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize