im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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