Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
