best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
