dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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