and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
