I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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