What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
