how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize