some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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