i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
