I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
