Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
