he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
