I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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