so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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