Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
