1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
