Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
