i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
