i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
