i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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