last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize