I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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