Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
