Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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