If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
